You might assume it's because today was a holiday, or that I was lazy, or that I simply got in over my head. All of which are probably slightly true as to why the comic is skipping this week, but most of which are simply a byproduct of a far more serious problem--I learned this Friday that my dog has pneumonia. Now he's an old fella, older than the average life expectancy of a lab (he's over 14), but it's for that very reason that I'm fighting hard to keep him from dieing, as, well...fourteen years. He's my companion. A trusted friend, who I've known longer than anyone other than my family. Because he IS family, when you think about it. And I need to take care of him.
Taking care of a sick old dog who has a plethora of health problems aside from the pneumonia is...rather tedious, to say the least. It's all worth it, just to see him getting better, just to see that he's alive and slowly getting better. But it's also incredibly time-consuming. And because I've been taking care of my dog, I haven't had much time to work on my comic at all. (One of the problems is that I do my comic on my laptop, which I use in my bed--he can't get into my room due to my house's layout anymore, so that means whenever I'm working on my comic, he's alone by himself, something which constantly worries me.) It's for that reason that I'm missing this update...and quite frankly, I might miss next week as well.
I've already lost a pet this year, and I've got the determination not to lose another. I'm not sure I could, really.
I know, it sucks. It really, really sucks to have slipped up on my schedule JUST when I was getting back on track, ESPECIALLY when I was just starting to get truly passionate about my art again, but...real life comes first. Beyond that...family is first. I can make plenty of sacrifices in real life to work on my comic. (I already have, so what's one more? :P) Sacrificing the life of another is NOT among the things I could EVER do. (I can ruin my life all I want, but harm another? Ultimate taboo. :P) I care far too much about my dog to be that heartless. He comes first. He'll never be truly well. (He's an old overweight dog, with a ton of health issues due to his age, breed, and gender; the list of problems he has I could give would drag on and on.) But I can't focus on my webcomic until he's as good as he's going to get, which he currently is not.
I hope you understand. If you've had anything living (be it pet or person) that you've ever had to care for, you've been there and you know what it feels like. So I'm praying that you can forgive me for neglecting my webcomic to not neglect the things which are even more important to me than my webcomic is.
Due to my cable connection being extremely unreliable, I couldn't release on time yesterday. However, I have now released comic 4! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed making it. :D
It's not a pleasant place to be, inside my head. But I'll give you a slight peak, anyway. For the last little while (I can't be sure when it started, but it's gotten much worse as of late--especially yesterday and today), I've had a voice consistently nagging at me.
...No, nagging isn't the right word.
Mocking is. You know how in a lot of stereotypical anime series, there's a super-powered evil side which mocks the hero from within? (Think like Hollow-Ichigo.) Well...it kinda feels like that. A voice inside my head, which isn't my internal voice, speaking to me as if I'm not the one saying it. As if someone is talking to me.
And the words it uses?
You're pathetic. You're worthless. You're giving up; you just haven't admitted it, yet. You've already given up before. What's one more time, eh? Go ahead and fall to sleep. It's past midnight, so you can justify it, right?
Ha! Wrong. It's giving up. You know it is. You're just not willing to admit it. You're so desperate, to find an excuse. Like you always have, and always will. You want to give up. If you fall asleep, you're admitting defeat. You might as well give up already. You know you don't have the willpower to continue this indefinitely. You're such a failure. Always trying, yet always coming up short. Whenever you get the chance to face your mistakes head-on, you purposefully deflect them away. You thrive on distractions. You live off of procrastination. Your bad habits doomed your comic before it had even begun. It's simply taking you until know to realize it.
You're a piece of trash, and you might as well end it now. You know deep down you want to. You know that in your heart, you don't really wish to continue. You know that I am right, that you're simply delusional to think that you have the ability to do what you say you can. You'll never be like that. You'll never be that good! You're nothing but a daydreaming fool! You have no real talent. You never did. You're just a pathetic little man, trying to make a mark you know you will never achieve. So why bother? Give up now. Go to sleep, if you'd like. You'll only be proving my point. You make every excuse you can to set up your failure. You consistently leave yourself vulnerable to it. It's entirely your fault that the comic is--and will--fail. It's just not in your nature to do it. Why else would you put things off until the last minute?
...And so on. I kinda stop listening to the voice after a while. Now I can't exactly say the voice is wrong; a lot of what it says has merit, and I'm doing what I can to counter it. But a lot of it is just pessimistic BS which I'm rejecting, as I can best sum up with a response of, "YOU'RE WRONG! SO SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE TO WORK!"
Though that said, I am grateful for the voice, as it DID get me motivated to work on my webcomic, if for no other reason than to simply prove the voice wrong. :P
That's an insight into my mind. Now if you don't mind, I have to go prove the voice inside my head wrong by finishing my comic. ;)
So I've released Comic 3. Extremely late, with many flaws, and with a format totally different from what I originally had planned to do, but...hey, at least it got done. :)
Now originally, I had a lot more to say in this blog post, had it all thought out, yet mentally, I already posted it. (I had a lucid dream about posting the blog, so I thought I had done so, even though I actually didn't.) And once you hit submit, you feel as if the thoughts you had in mind no longer have to be stored in your brain. They're stored in your words, so you don't have to keep them in your head. So, uh, well, when I had the dream about posting the blog...I, uh, kinda let go of the knowledge I had planned to put in here. :P
It's okay, though, since that allows me to put new things here, instead. For instance, out of the disaster which was this week's update (it came late, it wasn't done well, it's left my life a mess, and so on), there is good news! I've now got a far more reliable way to keep track of my progress when making comics. With a far more strict schedule, I'll be able to better regulate things. Best yet, next week's comic will be super-short. As it was intended to be part of THIS week's comic, it's only four panels, I have the backgrounds drawn already, and I even have the character design of Sasha worked out, more or less. So I could finish as early as Wednesday. Which means I could begin working on Comic 4!
...Oh, wait. 5. With the whole "split in two" thing above. :P It's the fourth comic in spirit, even though it'll be labeled as the fifth.
Now if you don't mind, I'm kinda dead tired, so I need a nap. :P
I just released comic 2. It sucks, big time, but hey, that's one of the reasons why I sought help with my scripts. :P So that the badness I knew which would be comic2 could be avoided in the future. With luck, I'll be able to do things better, as I really, REALLY hate the last two panels and pretty much everything in them. Granted, yes. They are mainly taking from my original comic 1, in that I transitioned from one group to briefly show the other two, and it's something I needed to preserve. And the original comic1 was incredibly weak.
...But STILL, it's AWFUL. >_<
Ah, well. I don't think I've got any strange perspectives to deal with in Comic 3, so that should update smoothly. And by the time I have to do comic 4, I'll have hopefully improved enough on my execution for The Elementals and The Latens that I won't need all of the cheats I used, I won't be putting together what looks like a half-finished product, and I won't be making junk.