...Into the fuuuutuuure...... :P
Anyway, I'm a bit late this week, but I've got an update, the long-awaited comic five! It's without a doubt the best work I've ever done. (As sad as that statement may be. :P) The reason I'm late is because I slightly underestimated the amount of time it'd take to do the remaining work. (If it weren't for the demons, I woulda finished on time.) Overconfident in my abilities, I spent a couple hours yesterday revising the site a little, editing the extra pages and such. It's a lot cleaner, now, and I like what I'm doing, though those extra two hours then woulda put this release well within time. :P
Oh, well. I'm only 45 minutes late; it could be a lot worse, and given how much better my site's beginning to look, and given the quality of the comic I just produced, I think it's alright to have been a little bit late. (Besides...aren't those update codes more of a...guideline...than actual rule? :P)
Yeah, no update this week, either. Hopefully, I won't miss next week's update, but I've got no guarantees. My dog's mostly better, you'll be glad to know. He was having some vomiting issues, but after a minor change in dietary habits, I think he's getting better. Anyway, I have been distracted by several side-projects, but whenever I've been remembering and have not been distracted, I've done the work on my comic. Since it's already been delayed by two weeks, I'm going to try and not miss a third. (My original schedule was to have new material ready by November. At the rate I'm going, I'd be lucky to make Christmas. :P)
We'll have to see how well that goes. I've been feeling awfully tired as of late for some reason, and drowsiness does not mix well with comic'ing. Still, though,I'll be working as fast as I can.
Side-note, one of the things which I've been thinking about is that pretty much all successful webcomics have uneven panels. All of my comics are planned with even panels, even though in the original script, they had differences. (Horizontally, at least.) It's something I'll be thinking about if I encounter pacing issues. I still have a lot to learn, after all. But hey, that's why people make webcomics: to learn. :D
You might assume it's because today was a holiday, or that I was lazy, or that I simply got in over my head. All of which are probably slightly true as to why the comic is skipping this week, but most of which are simply a byproduct of a far more serious problem--I learned this Friday that my dog has pneumonia. Now he's an old fella, older than the average life expectancy of a lab (he's over 14), but it's for that very reason that I'm fighting hard to keep him from dieing, as, well...fourteen years. He's my companion. A trusted friend, who I've known longer than anyone other than my family. Because he IS family, when you think about it. And I need to take care of him.
Taking care of a sick old dog who has a plethora of health problems aside from the pneumonia is...rather tedious, to say the least. It's all worth it, just to see him getting better, just to see that he's alive and slowly getting better. But it's also incredibly time-consuming. And because I've been taking care of my dog, I haven't had much time to work on my comic at all. (One of the problems is that I do my comic on my laptop, which I use in my bed--he can't get into my room due to my house's layout anymore, so that means whenever I'm working on my comic, he's alone by himself, something which constantly worries me.) It's for that reason that I'm missing this update...and quite frankly, I might miss next week as well.
I've already lost a pet this year, and I've got the determination not to lose another. I'm not sure I could, really.
I know, it sucks. It really, really sucks to have slipped up on my schedule JUST when I was getting back on track, ESPECIALLY when I was just starting to get truly passionate about my art again, but...real life comes first. Beyond that...family is first. I can make plenty of sacrifices in real life to work on my comic. (I already have, so what's one more? :P) Sacrificing the life of another is NOT among the things I could EVER do. (I can ruin my life all I want, but harm another? Ultimate taboo. :P) I care far too much about my dog to be that heartless. He comes first. He'll never be truly well. (He's an old overweight dog, with a ton of health issues due to his age, breed, and gender; the list of problems he has I could give would drag on and on.) But I can't focus on my webcomic until he's as good as he's going to get, which he currently is not.
I hope you understand. If you've had anything living (be it pet or person) that you've ever had to care for, you've been there and you know what it feels like. So I'm praying that you can forgive me for neglecting my webcomic to not neglect the things which are even more important to me than my webcomic is.
Due to my cable connection being extremely unreliable, I couldn't release on time yesterday. However, I have now released comic 4! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed making it. :D
It's not a pleasant place to be, inside my head. But I'll give you a slight peak, anyway. For the last little while (I can't be sure when it started, but it's gotten much worse as of late--especially yesterday and today), I've had a voice consistently nagging at me.
...No, nagging isn't the right word.
Mocking is. You know how in a lot of stereotypical anime series, there's a super-powered evil side which mocks the hero from within? (Think like Hollow-Ichigo.) Well...it kinda feels like that. A voice inside my head, which isn't my internal voice, speaking to me as if I'm not the one saying it. As if someone is talking to me.
And the words it uses?
You're pathetic. You're worthless. You're giving up; you just haven't admitted it, yet. You've already given up before. What's one more time, eh? Go ahead and fall to sleep. It's past midnight, so you can justify it, right?
Ha! Wrong. It's giving up. You know it is. You're just not willing to admit it. You're so desperate, to find an excuse. Like you always have, and always will. You want to give up. If you fall asleep, you're admitting defeat. You might as well give up already. You know you don't have the willpower to continue this indefinitely. You're such a failure. Always trying, yet always coming up short. Whenever you get the chance to face your mistakes head-on, you purposefully deflect them away. You thrive on distractions. You live off of procrastination. Your bad habits doomed your comic before it had even begun. It's simply taking you until know to realize it.
You're a piece of trash, and you might as well end it now. You know deep down you want to. You know that in your heart, you don't really wish to continue. You know that I am right, that you're simply delusional to think that you have the ability to do what you say you can. You'll never be like that. You'll never be that good! You're nothing but a daydreaming fool! You have no real talent. You never did. You're just a pathetic little man, trying to make a mark you know you will never achieve. So why bother? Give up now. Go to sleep, if you'd like. You'll only be proving my point. You make every excuse you can to set up your failure. You consistently leave yourself vulnerable to it. It's entirely your fault that the comic is--and will--fail. It's just not in your nature to do it. Why else would you put things off until the last minute?
...And so on. I kinda stop listening to the voice after a while. Now I can't exactly say the voice is wrong; a lot of what it says has merit, and I'm doing what I can to counter it. But a lot of it is just pessimistic BS which I'm rejecting, as I can best sum up with a response of, "YOU'RE WRONG! SO SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE TO WORK!"
Though that said, I am grateful for the voice, as it DID get me motivated to work on my webcomic, if for no other reason than to simply prove the voice wrong. :P
That's an insight into my mind. Now if you don't mind, I have to go prove the voice inside my head wrong by finishing my comic. ;)